Illadelphia

This past weekend, I went to Philly to visit my best girlfriends. On Friday after work TI*83 and I drove down to Philly and hit so much traffic that I was just exhausted when we got there. We visited a few old friends and then I dropped him off at our guy friends house where he was staying for the weekend. I drove to Hot Pocket's apartment where we both fell asleep at 10 pm because we are old and sometimes need a quiet night of cuddling on her couch to solidify our sis-mance (girl bromance).

The next day was quite eventful ... the daytime consisted of HP going to spin class while I spent 4 hours at the hairdresser ... all the while we harrassed Polly Pocket about hanging out with us that day. We met PP for lunch, the 3 of us got pedis, then PP went home to ready herself for the night while HP and I took a much deserved nap, we had a rough day of drinking cocktails and pampering ourselves.

We met back up with PP at our favorite BYOB and proceeded to get totally and completely loaded. A train took us to the total ghetto (complete with a bottle of vino and a loaf of bread in my purse "for the homeless") where we snuck our booze into the Chelsea Handler show ... she would have been proud. After the show, we took another train to an open bar reunion where we met up with many old friends including TI-83 and JWoww. We got sloppier - this pleased us greatly. When the free liquor  stopped flowing, we took a cab to Manayunk where we went to Castle Roxx. We were the only 3 people in the bar above the age of 19, which did not please us. The next logical move was to go to our favorite dive bar Pitchers. Since we hadn't yet drank enough, we ordered a pitcher of Bud Light Golden Wheat. HP proclaims that her "friend" (aka guy she is trying to make out with) is coming to meet us. Since it was time for the bar to close, we met her friend and his roommate, who I will call Cougar Bait outside. HP asked them to come back to her place with us because the bars were all closed. They did ... she forced me to drink more wine and them to drink MGD 64 that was more than a year old.

HP and her friend passed out when his (really hot) roommate started rubbing my back and asking what I do in NYC. When I replied "marketing" he said "oh that's great, I double major in marketing and management."

Oh yes, he is a 21 year old senior in college ... PERFECT. At that exact moment I made the decision to fuck with that boy so bad ... and it went perfectly. He asked me to come home with him persuading me with "my house is only 2 blocks away". I played coy saying "I don't even know you" to which he literally replied:

"Do you want to see pictures of my family or something?"

That was not the end of his one-liners ...

• CB: How many people have you had sex with?
• Me: I will NEVER tell you that
• CB: I've had sex with 6 people including you ... 2 were relationships ... I know it's not that impressive
• Me: Well, you've got me beat (totally false, but hilarious)

• CB: Can I get your number since you said you have to leave so early
• Me: No
• CB: Well, I can't find my phone, can you just call it from yours so I can find it?
• Me: (silent failure ... CB wins this round)

During sex ...

• CB: (runs his fingers through my hair) "Just relax" ... thanks, I've never done this before

• CB: How often do you come to Philly?
• Me: Never
• CB: Well I can't wait til you come back

When I woke up the next morning (2 hours later), I was horrified to see movie posters from The Dark Knight, Godfather, and Fight Club framed on the wall ... I was not so horrified to see a quite gorgeous man child laying next to me. This boy is really hot. I woke him up at 830 am to say I was going back to HPs (2 blocks away) to which he replied "I will drive you" and he jumped out of bed to drive me the 2 blocks. Cougar Bait is such a gentleman.

HP and I went for bagels and went to visit GTL and her man-guy (who is going to Vegas with us and will be in this blog if he does something cool during that trip ...) at his new house. Very cool house ... they were laughing at my conquest from the night before. I drove home with JWoww and our other friend and made the decision that CB would be tortured by me for my general entertainment and for the good of this blog.

I decided that since he tricked me into giving my number to him that I should use this to my advantage. My first step was to text him.


Me: Sorry for making you wake up so early. I really had fun last night
CB: No problem, I needed a wake up call today. I wish I could have met up with you earlier instead of at the end of the night.
CB (after I didn't answer): Try to visit soon even though nyc is probably more fun
Me (2 hours later): Probably? Definitely more fun but I'll be in Philly in 2 weeks to go to a Phillies game and formal with HP
CB: Alright. Looking forward to seeing you.

The next morning, I facebook friended him which was great because he thinks I like him AND I can stalk his beautiful man-child pictures.

HP has instructed me that "for her entertainment" I should hook up with him again in 2 weekends. I probably would have done it anyway, but great.

While all of this was happening on Satuday night ... Polly Pocket got totally lost and wandered around Manayunk for over an hour totally drunk until her boyfriend found her traipsing down his street ... sorry girl.

Glad we are all such hot messes.

Until next time, smushin and smoochin.

Xo.

Weekend Update

Friday night I went out with my UES native friend "J-Wow" and a bunch of people who went to college with us but I didn't know. One kid was hitting on me and when Hedgehog showed up he was totally not impressed. This boy said "what is he, 30? you can do better than that you're beautiful". While I was semi-pissed that this man-child was making fun of Hedgehog, he is still cute and I will likely try to make out with him at some point if I drunkenly see him again ... In other news, J-Wow and her friends from work left the bar and before I knew it, it was just me and Hedge. We left to grab taxis back home and I looked at him and without even thinking blurted out "Sooo you coming to Brooklyn?" In the cab I let him know that I was not going to smoosh with him because "I'm not slutty" ... not sure why drunk me thinks/says that I'm not slutty because it is a total lie.

Anyway, we get back to Brooklyn and in the elevator of my building when I hear "Well isn't this cute?" ... it was the voice that I would learn to dread this weekend of my roommate henceforth known as T-Payne. T-Payne is 11 years older than me and our roomie situation is hilarious at best and horrendous at worst. Usually, he is quiet and works alot so we don't mind each other, but this weekend was a whole different story. We get into the apartment and T-Payne starts talking to Hedgehog (and pouring him Johnny Walker Gold ... barf) about his relationship woes and other things that my date does not want to be hijacked/talked to about at 4 am the first time he comes home with me. I finally got him back and into my bed ... let's just say that him being 7 years older is a better thing than I thought. He was probably a bit of a man-whore in his hay day (like when he wasn't old and was my age) and it has paid off ... just sayin. This is this first time I've been with a guy who made it all about me instead of just trying to get theirs ... and I loved it. We went to sleep at like 8 am - got a few hours of rest, then I had to wake up and put my bedroom back together because one of my besties was coming to visit!!

I sent Hedgehog home and met up with Polly Pocket and another friend in Gramercy at 5 pm. I felt like I was still wasted even that late, but GTL let me know via text message that I was probably just sleep deprived. Best text quote from the weekend was when I complained to her that Hedge was probs taking a nap and she replied that her older man-guy was too and said "Old livers can't hang. FAIL" ... love it.

Polly and I went to see her friend in an off broadway production of a Shakespeare play. That is a little rough for me to digest on a good day ... and this was not a good day. Hungover, sleep deprived, and not understanding old English, I was waiting for it to end. Polly's friend did a great job in the show, just not my thing (and I was totally relieved when she leaned over to say "I effing hate Shakespeare" - that's my girl!)

That night we went for a few drinks and headed back to Brooklyn. No sign of T-Payne so that was great ... until he burst into my room at 6 am completely smashed. He spent about 45 minutes harrassing me and Polly and making completely heinous claims like "You get points for living with a black dude." Polly asked "How many points does she get and how can she redeem them?" Not sure where he was going with that, but I was finally able to kick him out of my room and go back to sleep.

It was an amazing weekend filled with JWow, Polly, and smooshing .... til next time