Thursday, January 28, 2010

Rule #1 Don't Be Prettier Than Me

I'm going to start making up rules for the dudes that I date ... the rules are in the order that I decide/discover that they exist, not in order of importance.

Rule #1: Don't be prettier than me

Last night was quite interesting. After a guy hitting on me/asking me out because I watch basketball I did not expect what was coming ...

He asked me to meet him at my fave vino bar in my work neighborhood and before I got there I had successfully put 2 runners in my tights with my own high heel and wore my fave silk dress to work that day to impress. I went to a CVS and bought new tights and put them on before the date and was laughing at myself because really? I'm human, everyone gets a runner and this guy was not uptight. OMG AM I GLAD I BOUGHT NEW ONES ... I walk in to see Scotty Reynolds all decked out in designer jeans, a cashmere sweater, carrying a Louis Vuitton tote ... wtf?

He was judging my outfit and talking with his hands so I'm fairly sure he was closeted. We had some excellent wine (which he chose and informed me that he only likes good wine) and had a good conversation, but he was not my speed at all. Between his parent's estate in Connecticut and their place in Hawaii where they "winter" (is winter even a verb? apparently so) I was in over my head with this one. We gave each other the ass out hug and said "get home safely" as we rushed for cabs ... if he calls again I will literally die laughing. So long Scotty, er I mean Louis ... Hedgehog is still in first place.

I made myself feel better by calling a girlfriend - who will be known on this blog as GTL - and complaining. She is cheering for Hedgehog anyway so she loved it. Then I bought myself some designer jeans today so that I can feel comfortable this weekend when they arrive knowing that my ass looks great and that Scotty Reynolds wouldn't be interested in it anyway because he likes dudes (no Louis tote though, sorry to disappoint) ... retail therapy ahhhhh

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Makeout Sesh

I had a date with Hedgehog last night. We went to dinner at an Italian spot and as usual, I was flipping out beforehand. I was totally not into it and felt awkward blah blah blah.

Pizza and a bottle wine cured my woes and I decided once again that I like this guy. We went to an NYU dive bar (my favorite kind of place) afterwards and had beer then he went in for the kill. We had a few cute kisses and then made out a little before I got in a taxi to go home. He also asked me to hangout on a weekend instead of a work night ... is this taking things to the next level? I feel like a strictly after work dating schedule kind of keeps him out of the boyfriend realm. UGGGHHH I like this guy but I am not ready for another relationship and I feel like after the third date it is a very slippery slope so not sure what to do here!

Nonetheless, a new prospect has emerged thanks to my consistent drunken state on weekends. I was at the bar this weekend and staring at the tv (college basketball though I couldn't tell you what game if my life depended on it). He said that I was the only girl in the place watching the game and I replied that I went to a basketball school and "I like winning March Madness brackets". Apparently he though my beligerence was charming and turns out that he went to our rival school and he will only be referred to as Scotty Reynolds moving forward for obvious reasons.

Scotty looks like a Ken doll and we have a date tonight at my fave wine bar in the West Village. Thing is, after kissing Hedgehog last night I am dreading this wine date ... I suck at dating!!

Stay tuned for the Scotty update tomorrow!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Back in the Swing of Things

REFRESHING! Met a guy last night for after work drinks. I almost cancelled like 10 times and I'm not so sure why I was nervous. This guy runs a hedge fund so he will be referred to as "Hedgehog" on this blog.

So for some reason I was freaking out before I went to meet up with this guy and I kept signing on to gmail and saying "If he is on gchat, I'm just having an emergency and cancelling" ... I ended up going and as I walked up to him I literally said under my breath "I want to commit suicide right this minute" I have NO clue why I was in such a weird mood. For the first 10-15 minutes I felt a little awks then all of the sudden I felt totally at ease and ended up hanging out with him for 4 hours. No weird stories here, he is just a cool and nice guy ... wtf? This is awesome! Typical, but I met him at a bar during happy hour one day and when friends ask where we met and I say "at a bar" it's lame. Hedgehog and I agreed to this so today we've been chatting on gmail all day coming up with a cooler story about how we met to tell people. Here is what we have so far ...

A dangerous criminal was running down the street getting chased by cops. The cops violently pushed me out of the way and he caught me/saved my life from an oncoming bus. Next, the cops randomly fired their guns and Hedgehog was hit in the shoulder and in a coma for 5 days. I sat by his bedside waiting for him to wakeup ... then we met for after work drinks a few weeks later.

Could it be that I found someone who is just as nerdy as I am? ... Maybe, we'll see!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

3 for 3 in 2010

Why is it that when in a relationship women tend to get into this motherly/wifely role? Well maybe not all women, but I definitely do. And furthermore, every single time I become single, I completely revert back to a 16 year old first time drinker who parties every night and cannot discern the difference between a casual drink and total obliteration. Let's recap ...

Weekend 1: NYE 2010 ... I drank and drank and drank, made a fool of myself in front of some amazing best friends and some strangers. Awesome? Not so much ... I woke up at 4 am already hungover and spent most of the next day in the bathroom and my friend's bed. Fun night, not so fun next few days that it took to recover.

Weekend 2: Atlantic City with my 4 favorite girl friends ... it was an amazing night filled with VIP Bottle Service, stripper poles, and crashed bachelor parties. Everything you hope a night of debauchery with your besties would be. What did I come home with? A camera full of hilarious pictures and memories with my faves, a softball sized bruise, and another 2 day hangover.

Weekend 3: Bon Voyage party for my boss who is working overseas for a few months ... the party is not even to blame. Spent about an hour at my friends house drinking tequila sunrises and then took a shot of Patron. We then walked from Soho to the East Village and stopped at bars along the way. I could barely stand by the time I got to the party but kept drinking anyway. Result? Third Saturday in a row spent vomiting and/or in bed.

Moral of the story? I need to pull it together immediately and learn my limits/not try to keep up with the boys because this is just not working out.

So cheers to drinking less ... or at least being prepared with a pillow and blanket in the bathroom for my Saturday mornings.

Monday, January 11, 2010

crazy dates

Dating has been really interesting after a life of watching Blockbusters and eating pizza counting as "dates". For the first time in my adult life, I have actually been asked out and the dates have been all over the place. Fun, exciting, awkward, and sometimes even funny. I tend to think of myself as pretty funny in general, so maybe my spin on things makes a normal situation awkward. Like I said, I'm total drama so decide for yourself if I am making too big of a deal on these next few stories...

The night after Bacon and I broke up, I made out with some guy and we exchanged numbers. After deciding to drunk text him THAT NIGHT I realized that I could very quickly fall into the dangerous spiral of being a clingy, rebounding, drunk dial offender so naturally I immediately deleted his number the next morning. One day later to my complete surprise, he called and asked me to go out that weekend. I accepted and was super pumped for the date. At this point, I was still living with Bacon and did not mention the upcoming date to him the whole week. On Friday, I took the day off and spent the time cleaning my entire apartment and getting ready for my date. At about 3 pm he cooly said "What are you doing tonight, moping around and self medicating with wine?" I replied with "Going on a date, have fun working on your car or circle jerking or whatever it is that you do with your nights off..." Practically had to pick his jaw up off of the floor. In our 5 year relationship, that is probably the first time that I actually stood up to him I was so excited.

The date that night was a ton of fun. We went to a comedy club, walked all through the city, and ended up at an amazing jazz club in the village until 3 am. As you may know, NYC subways after hours are not reliable and it took me 2 hours to get home ... FAIL. I walked in at 5 am drunk, exhausted, but euphoric having spent the evening with a responsible adult male who was trying to impress me instead of upset me for once. I walked in to the apartment being destroyed. I thought that Bacon had a party that night but later learned that he was drinking alone because he was so upset about my date. Also, his laptop was opened to his new eharmony account ... and so it began haha.

Anyway the guy I went on a date with asked me out again that Sunday to watch football. I went, but was totally unimpressed (here is where I think I'm a little crazy). We went to a pub and were drinking beer when he said we should order food. I went for the quesadilla and mozz sticks, he ordered a salad. I must have had a surprised look on my face because he looked at me and said "I'm just a skinny guy." I wanted to vom right there when I realized my arms were fatter than his and I immediately decided that I would never sleep with him. He insisted on driving me home an hour and a half away which was awkward. Especially when he pulled over on the highway to get a drink because his "mouth was dry from the beer and that can't be nice to kiss" ... ew just don't speak anymore. I spent weeks blowing this guy off until he finally got the point.

The last date I went on was way better ... kind of. This guy was a consultant. I'm going to call him FlierMiles because he kept bringing the conversation back to how he travels so much and gets access to the lounges in airports ... cool. So you get sit in a lounge with less people in the quiet? I much prefer to people watch and find things to make fun of, but whatever. We had a few drinks and as I jumped in the cab back to my apartment he said I should "be adventurous and take the subway." ... Maybe he should be adventurous and fly coach on his next trip. Anyway, he is now in London for work for the next 3 weeks and asked if I would like to have dinner at an authentic Mexican place when he gets back. It reminds him of an actual place in Mexico City that he has been to... when he was there for work ... which he flew to in business class after spending his waiting time in the lounge :)

getting caught up on the drama

Let me start out by saying that this blog is my outlet. I tend to attract major drama and have to re tell many stories a bunch of times. Basically, I need my own reality show, but figured that an anonymous blog is much less professionally and personally damaging. I'm in my 20s, starting fresh in NYC this week and plan on having a ton of fun and drama in the coming years. Pretty sure most girls can relate, so feel free to comment and join in on the fun ... here we go.

My whole life I've been serial monogamous. Jumped from high school boyfriend to college boyfriend and dated him until about 2 months ago. I thought I was headed down the aisle in the next 2 years or so when I got a speech that LITERALLY included the sentence "You are 99% perfect for me and my wife will be 100% perfect." ... vom he is so gross. Let's back up a minute. This guy who I thought was the love of my life is a cop (nicknamed in this blog Bacon to protect the guilty). Bacon moved in with me as soon as he started his job and we bought 2 dogs together - the whol picture perfect life. Shortly thereafter he cheated on me with a girl that he arrested on her SECOND dui ... again, this is just gross. We were still living together for a few months (think the movie the Breakup - totally awful when you're living it). He then decided that he needed to be single after dui girl tried to screw him over by telling her lawyer that the cop was hitting on her ... etc.

So naturally when trying to be single after a 5 year long relationship that you're still kind of in since you're sharing a one bedroom apartment HE JOINED EHARMONY. His new eharmony girlfriend seems nice, but she has friended me on facebook and keeps "liking" my pictures ... so fucking weird. I only friended her back so that she could look at the 1000+ pics of me and Bacon and feel sad about it ... I don't think it's working.

So once we finally moved out (I had to do all of the work to find a sublessee and Bacon just took his clothes and peaced out), I had about a month living at my parents house until my new lease started. Nothing like crawling back home with your tail between your legs and not being anywhere near NYC for an entire month ... putting a huge damper on my dating and social life!

Anyway, I move back to NYC this weekend and cannot wait to share my adventures with all of you!