Last Thursday, I finally went to the movies with JWow to see Dear John. We had decided well in advance that the only way we could stomach this movie was by getting drunk in the theatre with 40s and snacks during it. We chose a 550 pm showing, went to a deli beforehand to procure beer, and had an awesome night ....
The night began with us watching this movie. Not sure if either one of us understands/comprehends the full scope of the storyline, but here is what I do know:
1. The girls next to us were crying while JWow and I were SCREAMING "If xyz plot line happens I will fucking throw this bottle at the screen"
2. Laughing LOUDLY at inappropriate times
3. JWow literally saying "I have to pee so bad. This was something I should have anticipated, but I can't leave or I will miss the ending."
We both decided in the end that we will NEVER see a chick flick/comedy again without drinking and that anyone who has yet to experience the glory of sneaking 40s into the movies is missing out. When the movie ended at 730 pm and we both had a great buzz going on, we decided that the only responsible thing to do was go to the bar and not waste the 40s we just consumed. We went to a cool Irish Pub near Union Square and claimed our spots at the bar.
The crowd was definitely interesting. Included what JWow and I decided was an awkward eHarmony date, a dude wearing a Run DMC track suit and at least 4 gold chains (dubbed by JWow as "chains"), and two hipster kids sitting directly next to me. We got their real names, but JWow insisted on calling them "hat" and "salmon" ... they were answering to it. Once we noticed that Chains was sitting directly behind me, we did the only responsible thing that we could think of when we were drunk at 8 pm - take obnoxious blackberry photos of him and post them to facebook. Chains was not impressed. In fact, he called me out and demanded that I remove the photo from facebook. I showed him the picture and he was shut down. You see, JWow and I are smart enough to make fun of people while couching it by taking off center pictures of ourselves. In this case, Chains is in the background of a pic of JWow just chillin in this bar. Classic.
Meanwhile, we sat next to Hat and Salmon for about 2 hours creepin on their conversations about the NBA game on tv and I kept saying "I bet you they are from NJ - I fucking attract people from NJ like it's my job." At some point, they started talking to us and turns out that they are from Ohio. (my fist pump radar is not always up to par after drinking for 5 straight hours) We talk to these dudes for a while before I start demanding Taco Bell. They were hysterically laughing every time JWow or I said something along the lines of "I will kill someone if I don't get a taco in the next 5 minutes." ... this went on for at least an hour. Finally, right around 1am, we decide that Taco Bell is a must and we leave with Hat and Salmon. JWow and I flag down a taxi (note: Taco Bell was about 2 blocks away ... whoops) and Hat and Salmon awkwardly look on for an invite on our classy late night fast food binge. If you have to ask, you'll never be invited to Taco Bell, just sayin that they should have jumped in the car if they were smart. The night ended as you all would have guess ... me and JWow being really good Catholics by stuffing our faces on what was now Friday with some combination of mystery meats disguised as tacos and me breaking my Lent resolution for the thousandth time this weekby taking a taxi home when I was completely capable of taking a subway.
Smooches and Smushes xo